She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.