you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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