i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.