she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind