Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
