Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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