moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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