When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
