Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I won the penis lottery.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
