I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
