Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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