i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
