I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
