why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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