did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
