i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
