i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
