5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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