She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
