i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
