Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sorry my hands just texted you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
