You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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