How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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