Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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