chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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