Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
