is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
