Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
