Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
