I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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