Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
