and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
