mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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