are you still at the devil's house?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
