the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
