i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
two words...techno handjob
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
