The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
