I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
