TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she peed on how many people?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
