But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize