They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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