If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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