god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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