You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
