3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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