Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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