How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban