Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult