Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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