There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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