I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
