My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
