I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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