So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
