Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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