1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
