He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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