We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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