I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
