I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
