just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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