I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
