I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
