Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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